Another family quote and a Batty Books joke

It was my birthday last Saturday and I made a crazy chocolate cake for myself. Unfortunately, I had a series of interruptions whilst I was preparing the batter and the vinegar started working too soon with the raising agent. When I finally took the cake from the oven, the surface was very bumpy, not smooth like it should be.
"Don't worry" said my dear husband. "I'm sure it tastes as good as ever. Just issue us all with 4x4 forks to eat it with!"

If you were around in Britain at the beginning of the 80's you must be familiar with a set of jokes called Batty Books. These 'books' had a title and an author and while some were unrepeatable, many others were hugely ingenious and often very funny.

Here are a few that I can remember:

@ Babysitting   by Justin Casey Howls
@ Never give up   by Percy Vere
@ The fall of the watermelon   by S. Platt
@ The long walk   by Miss D. Bus
@ A post script   by Adeline Extra    ...and so on.


Well, as you know it's summer here and many days end tomorrow and, as I scrunched up the stairs to bed late last Wednesday night, I made up another Batty Books joke which went like this:

Successful beach parties  by Sandy House

Get the DRIFT? There's just a GRAIN of truth there. O.K. I'll stop, please don't DESERT me!

Another of those quotes!

On the Tuesday before her wedding my daughter (21 yrs) was giving instructions to her cousin (almost 22 yrs) as to how to manage our shower upstairs. As I left the room to go to bed (it was almost 2:00 am and the cousins had just arrived) this is what I overheard:

"You'll see there is a lever. You push it to the left for hot water, to the right for cold water and you leave it in the middle for... something in between!"

Yup, absolutely!

Honestly, it doesn't seem so funny written down and I guess it was due to the stress of the moment, but I sat in the stairs and wept tears of laughter.

Quote of the week

The following quote was said by my youngest son (12 yrs) as we drove home from school just this lunchtime.

"Mama, I have come to the conclusion that the world is working the wrong way around. It seems these days that if you are intelligent you are dumb and being stupid is really clever"

Sadly, this is so true.

Sunday lunch - family quote

On Sundays I like to do a special lunch for two reasons: one, because we are all at home with time to enjoy it and two, because my eldest son, who lives away during the week, doesn't have much time to dedicate to making wholesome meals.

This weekend I made meatloaf again, with oven baked potatoes, cabbage and beans. When my son asked what was on the the menu I said, "this" and lifted up a pan lid, "this and this".

"Oh", said he, "flesh, spuds and weeds. Mmmm".

Give it a missed call...

In our house at least, there is a phrase that we use maybe too regularly. It is usually said in answer to the question "Does anyone know where (whatever) is? The answer "No idea. Give it a missed call." is just too common! Obviously, it originally referred to a particular mobile phone, but now it's gone on to be the answer to "where is/are the car keys/computer/jacket/new packet of toilet rolls/slippers/matches/the children, etc."

This morning I wanted to start the hoovering but I couldn't find the stick brush. Of all things to lose. I mean, it's not small. So, after searching the house high and low for 10 minutes or more, I was on the verge of giving it the said missed call when I found it. It was where it should have been! In the right place! Of course, that is the LAST place anyone would think of looking for something...

Bessie, my best friend - Dyson DC 19

Weekend family quote

My Dear Daughter and I were talking together whilst  preparing supper last Sunday evening, when she suddenly came out with "Oh, Mama, I really want to be like you when I grow up." (Insert: this particular D.D is almost 20!)

To which I replied, "Well, my love, you don't have to wait till you're grown up, you know. I was already like me when I was like you!"

Mmmmm. Food for thought!

More quotes!

One of my more grown up children, tired of all the complaining she'd heard because the temps. have normalized, came out with this one the other day:

"I just don't understand people. The cold is so cool when you're warm"


Yesterday, whilst having supper my youngest said "Mama, I'm still hungry".  (Surprise)
"Have an apple." I said.
"An apple? An apple won't empty my hungerness"
(Loud roar from the the whole table)
"What's the problem?" he asked, and then added "I'm just doing like Shakespeare. He used to make up big words and then put 'ness' on the end."

Quote of the day

Today I exploded with this:

The problem in this house is that you always have to do something before you do anything!